[Ailist] Reframing vs denial

[Rob Voyle]

Hi Ros

There are three frames or perspectives a negative experience can be observed 
from.
The victim, the survivor, the thriver. One doesn't deny the other, infact they only 
have meaning when told together.

You can't change the content of what happened.  to do so would be delusional.  
You can change the perspective from which what happened is viewed.  You can 
also change the "how" you remember,

I recently completed a free tele-seminar on resolving painful memories from a 
book I am working called Restoring Hope: Appreciative strategies for resolving 
grief and resentment.

When people are stuck in painful memories they are stuck in the victim story, 
and repeated telling of that story will make it worse.

You can find the tele-seminar recording at:
http://www.clergyleadership.com/teleseminars/tele-seminars.html#memories
You will have to register to get the password.

There is also an extensive handout that details how to resolve painful memories 
by going through the survivor and thriver story. When working with individuals 
the "How" a person remembers is more important than the what they remember.

The handout also has an extensive imagery exercise designed to help a church 
resolve a painful coporate memory.

Rob
  
Robert J. Voyle, Psy.D.
Director, Clergy Leadership Institute
For Coaching and Training in Appreciative Inquiry
Author: Core Elements of the Appreciative Way 
http://www.clergyleadership.com/
503-647-2378 or 503-647-2382  



On 3 Nov 2009 at 23:43, Ros and Cranleigh Lee wrote:

> Hi all
> 
> As a personal coach who has touched only on the very basic
> principles of AI,
> I am increasingly interested in their application to the
> individual.
> 
> I have just been discussing with a friend the role of "negative" or
> painful
> emotions and experiences in growing us as people and to what extent
> we
> should welcome and examine these emotions rather than overcome them
> or
> distract our attention from them.  When does reframing a problem or
> a past
> experience become denial?  Do these types of emotion have any place
> in the
> context of Appreciative Living/Coaching?
> 
> Thanks
> Ros Lee
> www.mindyourthinking.com
> 
> 
> "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is
> our power
> to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our
> freedom."
> Viktor Frankl
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