[Ailist] Reframing vs denial

[Bill Scott]

Hi Ros,

An interesting question. Thanks for posting it.

While my specialty or focus is more in the area of teams and organizations,
I did spend the early part of my career as a youth and family counsellor.
Please allow me to offer a couple of thoughts. First, anyone who doesn't
acknowledge painful and unpleasant realities is indeed ignoring reality -
and doing so at their own peril. There are people in the AI field who have
written extensively about the "shadow" of AI and they clearly identify the
value in facing painful emotions and then moving in the direction of what
you wish to attain. Two of my favourite authors are Pam Johnson and Steve
Fitzgerald. Their writings offer some outstanding insights into the
"both/and" nature of "negatives." There is no question that negatives exist
in life. To me, the critical point is what do we choose to do with them: fix
what's broken or move in the direction of what we seek. An AI philosophy
simply suggests the latter approach is more productive in the long term.

I think reframing becomes denial if one chooses to negate or ignore the
feelings that gave rise to the negative emotions. AI as a philosophy has
never been about ignoring negativity or negative emotions. It has been about
examining how to get more of what you want and how to get there from where
you are.

Finally, I suggest that you take a look at Jackie Stavros and Cheri Torres's
book, Dynamic Relationships. I rarely recommend a book I have yet to fully
read. I make an exception in this case. I know many people who have read
this book and each and every one of them as spoken of it in glowing terms.
I've also had the good fortune to work with both women and I can tell you
categorically that they are outstanding AI writers and practitioners who
have made innovative contributions to the field.

Best regards,
Bill Scott BSW, MBA

Surrey, B.C., Canada
bill at elpisconsulting.com
www.elpisconsulting.com
604-574-1856




-----Original Message-----
From: ailist-bounces at lists.business.utah.edu
[mailto:ailist-bounces at lists.business.utah.edu] On Behalf Of Ros and
Cranleigh Lee
Sent: Tuesday, November 03, 2009 2:43 AM
To: ailist at lists.business.utah.edu
Subject: [Ailist] Reframing vs denial

Hi all

As a personal coach who has touched only on the very basic principles of AI,
I am increasingly interested in their application to the individual.

I have just been discussing with a friend the role of "negative" or painful
emotions and experiences in growing us as people and to what extent we
should welcome and examine these emotions rather than overcome them or
distract our attention from them.  When does reframing a problem or a past
experience become denial?  Do these types of emotion have any place in the
context of Appreciative Living/Coaching?

Thanks
Ros Lee
www.mindyourthinking.com


"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power
to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."
Viktor Frankl
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