[Ailist] Reframing vs denial

[Roger Davies]

Hi Ros,

Your question touches on some parts of recent threads about the likely
negative effects of too much positive thinking.

I think the key thing is to be authentic with yourself and about your role
in the negative experience. I always find it useful to consider things as
internalized and reflective. Only YOU can make YOU act in a certain way and
feel the things YOU feel. I can't make you feel bad, only you can do that by
choosing your reaction. That doesn't mean that other circumstances or people
cannot be involved in the negative experience but understanding how you let
things affect you is a constructive way of beginning to reframe a negative
experience or indeed inquire about a positive one in an authentic way.

Ask what you could have done differently to change that experience at the
time and what you can do differently from now on to hopefully avoid or limit
the effect of its repetition. I think Jacob Bronowski said something along
the lines of 'the most inhuman thing one can do is to deny oneself the
possibility that one might be wrong' and that is the worst form of denial.
You always play a role in your own negative experiences and emotions. 

Negative emotions are an essential and balancing part of life. Being
appreciative is understanding the genuine differences between the two and
giving each an appropriate priority in planning you future actions.

Roger

-----Original Message-----
From: ailist-bounces at lists.business.utah.edu
[mailto:ailist-bounces at lists.business.utah.edu] On Behalf Of Ros and
Cranleigh Lee
Sent: Tuesday, November 03, 2009 4:43 AM
To: ailist at lists.business.utah.edu
Subject: [Ailist] Reframing vs denial

Hi all

As a personal coach who has touched only on the very basic principles of AI,
I am increasingly interested in their application to the individual.

I have just been discussing with a friend the role of "negative" or painful
emotions and experiences in growing us as people and to what extent we
should welcome and examine these emotions rather than overcome them or
distract our attention from them.  When does reframing a problem or a past
experience become denial?  Do these types of emotion have any place in the
context of Appreciative Living/Coaching?

Thanks
Ros Lee
www.mindyourthinking.com


"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power
to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."
Viktor Frankl
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