[Ailist] Positive Core of America: responsibility

[Madelyn Blair]

As I read through what Mary Alice wrote, I had to share with you a  
story that I gave at a January AI event in Washington, DC.

Living Appreciatively

At the very first meeting of this group that Deb started, she asked if  
I would do something on story. I decided to do something from my work  
with Stories inside Words. I told of the project that I am working on  
to gather stories from peacemakers and the opening set of stories from  
three ambassadors who told stories inspired by words to the preamble  
to the Charter of the UN. We played a bit with how words become more  
alive when stories are told that came from their inspiration. Then I  
asked the group to tell stories inspired by either the word enquiry or  
appreciation.

As I listened to the stories, I wondered where this one was going.  
Could people be so used to the words appreciative inquiry that they  
would not be able to find something new in themselves? Would all of  
their stories be of how they used AI? Would the words remain the same  
to me even after hearing all the stories? I just didn’t know what  
would happen.

Every other time I have used the Stories inside Words exercise, the  
participants were excited about the words. They are usually words from  
mission statements or vision statements. I usually begin with asking  
them to tell stories inspired by words from mission statements of  
famous corporations like Niki or Mary Kay or Lego. They have fun with  
the words, and they see the words come alive in new ways. So, by the  
time they began to tell stories from their own mission statement, they  
are having fun, and they are practiced in finding the stories. But  
with the AI group, we wouldn’t have time to do this extra step. I had  
to rely on my belief that stories inside words would enliven in any  
event.

I began to listen to the stories about appreciation or enquiry. The  
stories were mixed together. As they told their stories, I began to  
jot down points in their stories. One by one, the stories began to  
reveal things about the speakers. Perhaps the story was about a family  
member who had a habit of asking questions about everything. Perhaps  
the story was about something earlier in their career when someone  
gave them a real break that set them on the right track. Just as we  
find in AI work, the response to questions or the telling of the story  
‘of the time when’ are revealing about a lot of things. But was there  
some kernel of something new here? I recognized my own dreariness with  
the words appreciative inquiry. I had been using that phrase for  
almost 10 years. I had written about them. I had worked through them.  
I had taught about them. Would there be something new for me?

I didn’t see it at first. Perhaps because time was running out (I did  
this in an amazingly short period of time.) and so my thinking cap  
never got put on right and no new thoughts were coming to me. But the  
group was happier and happier about what they were seeing in the  
stories. They certainly got the point. They could see that stories  
enlivened words. But what about me?

The next day, I began to write up the notes from the session. I typed  
each phrase, word, and note that I had made. Then as I got toward the  
end of the list, I felt that tingle of excitement start deep inside.  
Yes, there was something new there. Word after word just kept adding  
to the excitement that was growing in me. And suddenly, there it was.  
The stories about appreciation were about compassion – every story had  
some aspect in it. The stories about enquiry were about the  
interaction between two people who were engaged with each other in  
some form of conversation. That was it – compassionate engagement.

Compassionate engagement. I had it. This was new to me. Suddenly, AI  
became something entirely revitalized. We engage compassionately with  
others in compassionate engagement. I have never felt the same about  
AI since then.

Now, the new words allowed me to broaden my view of, my use of this  
philosophy. I could design retreats, surveys, or interview protocols;  
conduct conversations, briefings, or discussions; teach, coach, or  
advise with my full attention on the others in the room (engagement)  
and with good intentions toward the other (a compassionate heart).

These two new words were now fresh and alive to me. They also became  
measures of my intended actions and actual actions. Easy and simple.  
Be there for the other person with a desire to be helpful and affirming.

I recently conducted some interviews for a book I am writing. The  
interviews were about how the persons perceived me. Here is one of the  
statements I recorded: “You always bring a strong desire to understand  
fully, to assure that the framework is clear, yet you give comfort to  
others while you do it.”

Compassionate engagement has become my guide post.

M. Blair, January 2009


Madelyn Blair, Ph.D.
Pelerei, Inc.
Turning Vision into Reality
www.pelerei.com
301-371-7100
301-371-7957 (fax)
301-471-8721 (mobile)
Skype ID: madelynblair


On Mar 9, 2009, at 5:55 PM, Mary-Alice Arthur wrote:

> Hello all!
>
> I've been following this thread with interest.  I'd like to add to the
> conversation about 'responsibility' the two words 'connectedness' and
> 'engagement', because I think they help to grow the capacity for
> response-ability.
>
> In November last year I was in Japan, one of a facilitator team at an
> international development conference.  We were working on the 10 UN  
> themes
> and my facilitation partner and I were leading the group on  
> 'Disconnection
> and Barriers to Engagement'.  Now all of the themes are stated in this
> negative way, which makes them very difficult to get excited about  
> and even
> harder to feel like there is hope or an answer.  It didn't surprise  
> me at
> all that the sign announcing our space fell off on the first day and  
> would
> not allow itself to become reattached to the wall!
>
> Through the five days the group worked on this topic, we had very
> interesting conversations, and one stayed with me.  The group had  
> been asked
> to take part in an Appreciative interview in twos and we had one  
> group of
> three.  The two young women in the trio agreed they got connected  
> with other
> people first, then they got engaged.  The young man said he got  
> engaged
> first, then he got connected.  They drew a little circular diagram  
> that
> connected the words 'connection' and 'engagement'.
>
> They then went further and defined 'connection' as something that  
> happens to
> you -- a feeling.  You can become connected to something or someone  
> without
> even being able to understand it.  'Engagement' however, they  
> defined as an
> action; acting on the connection you feel.  I had never heard it  
> defined so
> simply.
>
> The group went on the put ME/WE as the central part of our work (and  
> if you
> can imagine ME on top of WE you will see that they are actually  
> reflections
> of each other in word form).  We came to the conclusion that if ME  
> and WE
> are beautiful reflections of each other and individual and community
> well-being are beautiful reflections of each other, then the world  
> is a
> beautiful place.
>
> This seems very simple, but, in fact is a very radical idea, if you  
> place it
> in Japan, where WE dominates and overpowers ME or the in the US,  
> were ME
> overwhelms and overshadows WE.
>
> Years ago there was a cover story on FAST COMPANY about Yahoo called  
> 'Love
> is the killer app'.  I believe it is so. If we loved enough there  
> would be
> no power plays at work.  If we loved enough there would be no war.   
> If we
> loved enough there would be no hunger or global desolation through our
> actions.  Imagine a business where leaders loved what they were  
> doing, where
> people loved each other into their best expression, where people loved
> working and clients loved doing business.  This would be the type of  
> world
> where we would naturally take responsibility because it would be an
> outpouring of our love.
>
> Loving enough IS a radical act.  I am continually asking myself  
> whether I am
> up to it.
>
> Blessings,
>
> Mary Alice
>
>
>
> Mary-Alice Arthur
> SOAR
> PO Box 10-868
> Wellington
> New Zealand
> mobile:  +64-21-687-627
> email:  mary-alice at getsoaring.com
> web:  http://www.getsoaring.com
>
>
>
>
>
>
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