[Ailist] a i and a struggling marriage: suggestions please

[Nick Heap]

Jackie Kelm has a set of appreciative questions for couples. The list is
here http://www.nickheap.co.uk/articles.asp?art_id=282 I can't find the
original reference. These are all positive questions so they should be
relatively easy to explore, provided both people want things to improve.You
start off talking about how you first met and only at the 10th question
start thinking about small actions that could make things better.

There are also a whole series of simple and positive exercises on the
Marriage Enrichment
http://www.bettermarriages.org/Learn/Exercises/tabid/67/Default.aspxsite
that might be helpful too.

It is disconcerting, but probably true, that it only takes one person to get
a relationship to work, so if either of the people really wants to make it
work, that person could decide to do what ever it takes. This will require
courage, determination, patience and flexibility and a good friend to talk
to whan it gets tough.

The questions and exercises are even more fun and rewarding if you are in a
good relationship that you would like to make even better. It's very nice to
spend an hour or two focusing on what works and how to make it better. One
of the ME exercises was to sit in a corner and hold hands and tell your
partner all the things you like about her or him for ten minutes while the
partner just listens, then you swap over. Magic!

Best wishes,

Nick

www.nickheap.co.uk