[Ailist] a i and a struggling marriage: suggestions please

[Mike Sands]

Der Francis

" yet they deny that it is beyond recovery"

One idea - they could take a course in AI - such as the AI facilitator training.  I think it would have to be  at least a 3 session program - and this might  just start to give them a feel for possibilities.

My experience with AI is that it can involve some "really quite new, unique, and powerful" ways of holding a conversation - ways that often encourage a "shift in feeling state and consciousness".  And again my experience is that it takes some  personal "doing" of the conversations to become aware of these "shape shifts".
 (My metaphor is that a person might hear a song 4 times before the melody starts to resonate with them).

Hopefully such an exposure could start to open awareness of new ways of aiding, encouraging, pleasing each other - and self.  One of the beauties of AI is that the in the "discovery interview" the interviewer tries to find questions  - AND WAYS OF LISTENING and asking again - that help the partner to bring up memories, stories, and ideas that move the partner into presence and awareness of their "wonderful self".. When the magic works the partner can feel the change in feeling state - it can be like "waking up refreshed", "like coming in from the cold and standing in front of a fire", "like the moment when "Nessun Dorma" grabs you".  And when this change in feeling state happens - it is easy for the partner to feel wonderful and to enjoy the connection with the interviewer.  And "Double Magic" - the interviewer gets to enjoy the connection and even to enjoy his or her role in helping partner feel good - it can be a whole new way of being - and its free, and easy, and replicable and a new skill for forever.

The initial exposure does not have to make them experts - if it just opens the door of authentically felt opportunity  - of hope - that is a great beginning.

On aspect of  doing an AI training as a way to opening doors is that the training itself is highly likely to open not just doors  - but vistas - views of how an appreciative approach and appreciative skills can be of use in other personal situations and how it might spread to make a happier world 


That's just one idea 

Here is connection to AI facilitator training - I have no connection with AIFT - except I took the couse and enjoyed  it, got real value from it .

appreciativeinquiry.case.edu/learning/practitionerDetail.cfm?coid=7045 - 10k - 

If you google appreciative couples  you'll see other ideas - how about googling appreciative and relationships 

Rudyard Kipling - Words are the most potent drugs used by mankind" (and I suspect he meant like a Churhcill or a Roosevelt speaking to the public - which has tiny effect compared to what a person can say to herself as she speaks to another) 

I am grateful to you for asking this question - I have enjoyed "being with hope" as I wrote this e mail.

Mike



----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Francis Epulani" <EP_FRANC at YAHOO.COM>
To: <ailist at lists.business.utah.edu>
Sent: Friday, January 16, 2009 2:18 PM
Subject: [Ailist] a i and a struggling marriage: suggestions please


Hello friends,
I need quick assistance with some ideas and suggestions. My family friends have newly separated and are already unhappy about having separated and seeing their marriage (10 years) almost crumble. t5ghe two are one extrovert and spontaneous , and the other a relative relticent and thinking type. They do not seem to know how to redress their differences, yet they deny that it is beyond recovery. A professional counsellor has not succeeded to help them.

I do remember something about using AI to strengthen relationships, but I could not locate any article on the ai commons or archive about using AI to serve a struggling marriage. Any ideas pleas?

Thanks in advance,

Francis.




      
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