[Ailist] Re: Staying Positive With Cancer

Fri Nov 14 14:37:39 MST 2008

Message for listserve - Daniel asked me to forward his message below as it appears not to have been received / released for some technical reason. Please can you release it. Thanks.
Brian Guest

--- On Thu, 11/13/08, Saint, Daniel <Daniel_Saint at jeffersonwells.com> wrote:

From: Saint, Daniel <Daniel_Saint at jeffersonwells.com>
Subject: Staying Positive With Cancer and What I Learned from Marge and Jane
To: brianjguest at yahoo.com, ailist at lists.business.utah.edu
Date: Thursday, November 13, 2008, 6:46 PM

Brian, I love the idea of letting go as you expressed  
A few months ago, I received an email from Marge Schiller telling me that she
had breast cancer. My first instinct, knowing Marge, was to congratulate her and
wish her well and support on her exciting new journey. But, I didn't. I
thought that it might not come across as intended. A few days later I was on a
conference call that Marge was invited to, but was not available for. I was in
my doctors office waiting room when I was on the call to get the results of my
annual physical. Jane Magruder Watkins was on the call. At the end of the call,
Jane acknowledged Marge's absence and matter of factly asked, "Hey,
does everyone know that Marge has breast cancer?" 

That was so refreshing! I went into see my doctor directly after that call and
he told me that my PSA score was elevated and he wanted me to get a biopsy
quickly. A week later I had the biopsy and still never even considered that I
might have cancer. My urologist called two days later. Even when he called, I
still had no suspicion. I assumed he was just calling to chat and make jokes. 

When he told me that I had an aggressive, advanced state of prostate cancer I
was surprised. Now, it did disorient us for a few days. I, my family, friends
and coworkers went through a few days of tears and terror. My son called from
graduate school and could only cry on the phone. He was the one that we all
prayed for and worried about when he was a young soldier in Iraq. My daughter
called from law school on the other side of the country and the conversation was
similar. 

My wife was incredible! I was ready to quickly have the surgery. She thoroughly
researched the issue and got access to some of the leading cancer specialists in
the country. I ended up at Duke University Medical Center where I am writing
this from today. My daily radiation therapy starts soon. 

Looking back on this journey, I have only one minor regret. I wish I would have
gone with my instinct and congratulated Marge on her news! 

This has turned out to be one of the most wonderful and maybe most loving
journey I have been on since my Mother's caring love of my early years.

One of the oncologists my wife got us access to early on told me something
prophetic: he said that some couples come through this more deeply in love than
they ever were. I didn't think that was possible when he told me that, but
is was certainly true for us. 

While I am here at Duke, I decided to do the 4 week intensive diet and fitness
program also. I will emerge far healthier in January than when I started this
journey. Cancer may have not only given me a deeper awareness of how loving my
relationships are--my family,  Jackie, Ralph and Jane, Marge, my poker and golf
club that celebrated our 25th anniversary this year, my colleagues in the Great
Lakes Practice of Jefferson Wells, and so many others--it may have saved my
life. 

When people tip toe around the issue, call with sympathy or ask me my
prognosis--I tell them the bad news. My doctor told me that I am going to
die...probably some time within the next 50 years. 

If I can help or provide moral support to anyone who has been diagnosed or
their family members, please contact me. Now I have to get naked,  put on that
robe that is open in the back and go to the green machine at Duke. 
.  
Life is good!

Dan

--------------------------
Daniel K. Saint, PhD
Managing Director
Jefferson Wells
248-565-5056 (cell phone)

Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

-----Original Message-----
From: ailist-bounces at lists.business.utah.edu
<ailist-bounces at lists.business.utah.edu>
To: ailist at lists.business.utah.edu <ailist at lists.business.utah.edu>
Sent: Thu Nov 13 05:17:01 2008
Subject: [Ailist] How to Stay Positive With Cancer

There are already several very worthy themes in this thread, but if I may just
add some thoughts.

In facing surgery for cancer five years ago at age 47, I found gratitude
and some strength in knowing that I was going to a world class hospital to be
operated on by a highly skilled surgeon. I reflected several times that I was
not an 18 year old about to step onto a Normandy beach on June 6th 1945. My
generation had been fortunate to come afterwards.
We were already "old". The film "Saving Private Ryan"
showed me, I believed credibly, what receiving medical attention in hell was
like. 

The surgery was in Brazil and I also knew the reality of many for whom
obtaining good health care in an hour of need could be such a challenge and
sometimes such a heartbreak. I joked with my wife that I was going to a holiday
camp. The comparisons were real for me and they helped.

My final thoughts before losing consciousness in the operating theatre were a
"letting go".
Mentally I surrendered the part of me that needed extracting. I "released
it" and "let the surgeon have it". The surgeon made comments to
my wife afterwards about how the surgery went that I would like to think
confirmed that my thoughts had been of use.

Indeed, illness can be a way of learning to "let go" in not just this
physical sense. I am one of the believers that attachments can cause cancer and
other ailments. One could argue that sometimes an illness is about not accepting
reality in some way and if we are lucky it can help us see and joyously accept
reality again. 

Brian Guest

--- On Wed, 11/12/08, Olen Jones <ojones at nationalcore.org> wrote:

From: Olen Jones <ojones at nationalcore.org>
Subject: [Ailist] RE: How to Stay Positive With Cancer
To: ailist at lists.business.utah.edu
Date: Wednesday, November 12, 2008, 11:33 PM

Olen Jones, Community Relations
National Community Renaissance 
National CORE
9065 Haven Avenue, Suite 100
Rancho Cucamonga, CA 91730 
(909) 483-2444 Ext. 122
(909) 483-2448 Fax
ojones at nationalcore.org 

Like several of the responses to this question, one idea that helped me
through treatment and recovery was what I had gained as a result of the
loss of my health.  Like others, discovering the love and support of
friends and family, the rich conversations I was able to have with my
wife and children, the experiences I was able to share with family and
friends through treatment, the relationships with the medical
professionals, the impact I could have on the medical professionals by
choosing to approach my disease as a living person rather than a dying
person, the story I now have to share with others experiencing similar
struggles, were so much greater than the disease. 

I really feel like I gained so much more than I lost.
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_______________________________________________
The Appreciative Inquiry Discussion List is hosted by the David Eccles School
of Business at the University of Utah. Jack Brittain is the list administrator.
For subscription information, go to:
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