[Ailist] How to stay positive with cancer?

[Bruce Elkin]

> Hello Michael and fellow Ai'ers
> As a 10 year breast cancer survivor, and as one who has supported
> several close friends who's lives were shortened by cancer, I have
> thought a lot about this. Rob, I really agree that focusing on what is
> life-giving is much more helpful than trying to stay positive.
> 
> I'd also like to add that in my experience, there is a lot of pressure
> upon people dealing with cancer to keep "the right attitude", or "stay
> positive".   There is conflicting research about the power of a
> positive attitude when dealing with cancer.   I have found that adding
> the pressure to stay positive or be positive is adding another burden
> to one who is likely already overwhelmed.  While there are tremendous
> insights and gifts that come out of such a trial, I found that I could
> fully appreciate them because of and when my friends also accepted my
> doubts, terrors, pain, and discouragement.  In other words, I could be
> REAL about what was going on with me, and because I was fully
> accepted, I could move through cycles of darkness and fear into cycles
> of love.  And, there are many cycles.

Hi Cindy, all . . .
I think you hit upon a very important point above.  It¹s not so much a
dichotomy being positive and negative, but, as Martin Seligman would
advocate, learning to be realistically optimistic.

This means having a vision of what you want to do (be healthy and whole!)
and embracing a realistic assessment of your current reality, which can
include and acknowledge both positive and negative thoughts and feelings.

Also, it helps to hold both vision and reality in mind at the same time to
set up creative tension.  Creative tension is a much more powerful and
lasting energizer than mere positive thinking, and it embraces and
transcends the negatives that Rob pointed out are called up when you force
yourself to be positive.

Working with sick clients, I have found they made great progress when they
shifted from either ³fighting the disease² or ³thinking positively about the
disease² to the more powerful focus on becoming whole and healthy.  Cancer
and AIDS patients have gotten great value from this approach, and felt
better about the whole challenge of getting themselves as whole and healthy
as they could.

All the best!
Bruce
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BRUCE ELKIN: Life/Work Renewal Coach & Consultant
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