[Ailist] How to stay positive with cancer?

Tue Nov 11 11:37:51 MST 2008

Hello Michael and fellow Ai'ers
As a 10 year breast cancer survivor, and as one who has supported  
several close friends who's lives were shortened by cancer, I have  
thought a lot about this. Rob, I really agree that focusing on what is  
life-giving is much more helpful than trying to stay positive.

I'd also like to add that in my experience, there is a lot of pressure  
upon people dealing with cancer to keep "the right attitude", or "stay  
positive".   There is conflicting research about the power of a  
positive attitude when dealing with cancer.   I have found that adding  
the pressure to stay positive or be positive is adding another burden  
to one who is likely already overwhelmed.  While there are tremendous  
insights and gifts that come out of such a trial, I found that I could  
fully appreciate them because of and when my friends also accepted my  
doubts, terrors, pain, and discouragement.  In other words, I could be  
REAL about what was going on with me, and because I was fully  
accepted, I could move through cycles of darkness and fear into cycles  
of love.  And, there are many cycles.

I found it very helpful to focus on what I was grateful for, to focus  
on stories of long-term survivors, and also to be heard and nurtured  
even on the days when my attitude was less than positive.  I also  
found it very helpful to approach illness metaphorically (see Marc Ian  
Barach The Healing Path    http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Path-Approach-Illness-Arkana/dp/014019486X/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1226428179&sr=8-2) 
.

For myself, and for others I've been with, I would say that was being  
loved and accepted unconditionally is what sustains body and spirit  
through such a trial and provides opportunity for a healing of the  
spirit for all involved.   Taking that in, isn't easy.  Perhaps that  
would be a good conversation for a group.. how does one allow or help  
set the stage for the expression of unconditional love and support and  
build relationships of deep connection in the midst of fear?

Warm regards,
Cindy

Cindy Manning  M.A., ABS
The Vibrant Organization
Developing effective leaders, high-performing teams and supporting  
sustainable change.
Eugene, Oregon 97402
541-228-4839

On Nov 9, 2008, at 1:21 PM, Rob Voyle wrote:

> Hi Michael
>
> I wonder whether trying to stay positive can create a problem,  
> because it also
> calls negative into consciouness. And trying to stay positive when  
> much negative
> stuff is happening may actually get people to become phoney and deny  
> their
> current experience.  Rather than trying to stay positive I would  
> wonder about
> focussing on what is life-giving. At the group, what would happend  
> if the
> participants shared stories of what they had found life-giving in  
> the past week.
>
> In a semon the Sunday after 9/11 my associate Chris Rankin-Williams  
> said "the
> challenge of this life is not to stay alive, the challenge of this  
> life is to stay in
> love."  So I would also wonder where people see and find love, for I  
> know that in
> the midst of love I am in a positive frame.
>
> Best Wishes
>
> Rob
>
> Robert J. Voyle, Psy.D.
> Director, Clergy Leadership Institute
> For Coaching and Training in Appreciative Inquiry
> Author: Core Elements of the Appreciative Way
> http://www.clergyleadership.com/
> 503-647-2378 or 503-647-2382
>
> On 9 Nov 2008 at 13:08, Michael L. Schwartz wrote:
>
>> Hi all,
>>
>>
>>
>> As a Cancer survivor, I regularly attend meetings at Gilda's Club.
>> Gilda's
>> Club was set-up by Gene Wilder and Michael Radner, following the
>> death of
>> Gilda Radner to cancer, as a place where anyone "touched by cancer"
>> can go
>> for support.
>>
>>
>>
>> In a recent Men's Group meeting, the subject of staying positive
>> came up.
>> Two items in particular:
>>
>> 1.      How important a positive attitude is.
>>
>> 2.      How can we remain positive with all the "challenges" faced
>> in
>> recovery.
>>
>>
>>
>> I think an AI approach could help and I would like to do something
>> of this
>> nature for my local Gilda's Club.
>>
>>
>>
>> I am seeking any suggestions as to how to structure this.
>>
>>
>>
>> The Men's Group typically has between 4 and 10 attendees, and meets
>> for 2
>> hours.
>>
>>
>>
>> Alternatively, this could be offered to all members of the local
>> Gilda's. We
>> would still have about 2 hours. I have seen groups range from 6 to
>> 30+.
>>
>>
>>
>> Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
>>
>>
>>
>> Thank you.
>>
>>
>>
>> Michael L Schwartz, PE, PMP
>>
>> President
>>
>> Positive Concepts, Inc.
>>
>> Phone: 248 828 7701
>>
>> Fax: 248 828 7708
>>
>> Email: MSchwartz at PositiveConcepts.biz
>>
>> Web: www.PositiveConcepts.biz
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> Enhancing the positive.
>>
>>
>>
>> _______________________________________________
>> The Appreciative Inquiry Discussion List is hosted by the David
>> Eccles School of Business at the University of Utah. Jack Brittain
>> is the list administrator. For subscription information, go to:
>> http://mailman.business.utah.edu:8080/mailman/listinfo/ailist
>
>
> _______________________________________________
> The Appreciative Inquiry Discussion List is hosted by the David  
> Eccles School of Business at the University of Utah. Jack Brittain  
> is the list administrator. For subscription information, go to:
> http://mailman.business.utah.edu:8080/mailman/listinfo/ailist