[Ailist] Re: Connecting with Others

[Helen6451 at aol.com]

Harry, your reflection brings to mind an approach described by  Margaret 
Wheatley in her book turning to one another: simple conversations to  restore hope 
to the future. In her chapter titled "willing to be disturbed"  she writes 
the following: 
 
"...The world now is quite  perplexing.  We no longer live in those sweet, 
slow days when life felt  predictable, when we actually knew what to do nest.  
We live in a complex  world, we often don't know wha'ts going on, and we won't 
be able to understand  its complexity unless we spend more time in not  
knowing. 
 
It is difficult to give up our  certainties--our positions, our beliefs, our 
explanations.  These help  define us; they lie at the heart of our personal 
identity.  Yet I believe  we will succeed in changing this world only if we can 
think and work  together.  Curiosity is what we need.  We don't have to let go 
of what  we believe, but we do need to be curious about what someone else 
believes.   We do need to acknowledge that their way of interpreting the world 
might be  essential to our survival...
 
 
…To be  curious about how someone else interprets things, we have to be 
willing to admit  that we’re not capable of figuring things out alone.  If our 
solutions don’t work as well as  we want them to, if our explanations of why 
something happened don’t feel  sufficient, it’s time to begin asking others about 
what they see and think.  When so many interpretations are  available, I can’t 
understand why we would be satisfied with superficial  conversations where we 
pretend to agree with one another. 
There  are many ways to sit and listen for the differences.  Lately, I’ve 
been listening for what  surprises me.  What did I just hear  that startled me?  
This isn’t  easy—I’m accustomed to sitting there nodding my head to those 
saying things I  agree with.  But when I notice what  surprises me, I’m able to 
see my own views more clearly, including my beliefs  and assumptions. 
Noticing what surprises and disturbs me has been a very  useful way to see 
invisible beliefs.  If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming 
something else  was true.  If what you say disturbs  me, I must believe something 
contrary to you.  My shock at your position  exposes my own position.  When I  
hear myself saying, “How could anyone believe something like that?” a light  
comes on for me to see my own beliefs.  These moments are great  gifts.  If I 
can see my beliefs and  assumptions, I can decide whether I still value 
them." 
I find that it is not  always easy to take a breath and give myself the 
choice of  looking at what disturbs me as interesting, with curiosity, AND when I 
can do  it, I find not only that I learn something, but that new relationships 
and new  depths to existing ones result.
 
Helen  Spector
Spector & Associates
Organizational Process Consulting
9601  NW Leahy Road #309
Portland OR 97229
1.503.296.7248  voice
1.510.701.4035 cell
1.503.296.7243 fax 


In a message dated 3/16/2008 10:42:21 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time,  
HBury at bw.edu writes:

It  occurs to me, we would be more "appreciative," Steve, if we could  
"reconstruct" our worldview  instead of assuming we can know  the truth, assume 
knowing absolute objective reality is impossible. We could  assume just as well 
all we have is perception; studied perception or studied  opinion, but not 
absolutely true reality.  ( In other words, what if we  did not assume that 
Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle were correct in assuming  humans could know truth, and 
assumed Pythagoras was not correct, but on to  something
in assuming truth was unknowable? Then, the word "skeptic" would  not be a 
pejorative term, as it seems to have been down through the  ages.

It has been my experience when I believed I was right and you  seemed to 
disagree with me, I concluded you were automatically wrong. As a  result, my mind 
closed and it was difficult, Jane, to even find what you said  to me to be 
interesting, let alone encourage my appreciation. I have come to  assume no one 
knows THE Truth. It enables me to APPRECIATE what others say  with an open mind 
which
results in dialogue and greater creativity and  greater APPRECIATION for one  
another.





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