[Ailist] Re: Connecting with Others

[Hank Kearns]

On Mar 12, 2008, at 10:57 AM, Kevin Kervick wrote:

> Hello Cheri:
>
> I like the way you talk about authenticity and others have also  
> made great contributions.
>
> I believe this thread may have been launched by an inquirer wanting  
> to know if AI was denying the negative by its focus on creating a  
> positive future. In other words is AI true?  My definition of  
> authenticity is truth.  Am I true in my interactions with you?  Or,  
> am I part-true or pseudomutual?  Am I bullshitting you?  Do I have  
> a political agenda?  Am I posturing?  Am I trying to impress you?   
> How closely are you able to discern who I really am in my  
> interactions with you?
>
> In all relationships based on love and especially in change  
> efforts, I believe people respond to truth.  But our society can't  
> handle the truth so we have created all sorts of rules to soften  
> it, punish it, or to create other barriers for its expression.  It  
> is the route to neurosis and why Freud got his start with Victorian  
> women who were repressed somatisizers. Truth is scary.


Snip

Kevin and others,

I’m not a professional therapist. I’m a retired health teacher who  
was always looking for good stuff that my high school students could  
understand and use. In my search for that I found no one more  
intriguing and yet simplistic as Carl Rogers when it came to  
communication concepts.

Here is a section from his book, Threads of Permanence <http:// 
www.the-intuitive-self.org/scripts/frameit/author.cgi?/website/author/ 
memoir/reference_notes.html>

Here is a quotation from his section on communication that I have  
never found a more profound way of describing communication (telling  
the truth - then listening)

> "I will risk myself by endeavoring to communicate any persisting  
> feeling, positive or negative, to my partner - to the full depth  
> that I understand it in myself - as a living, present part of me.  
> Then I will risk further by trying to understand, with all the  
> empathy I can bring to bear, his or her response, whether it is  
> accusatory and critical or sharing and self-revealing." . . .

When two people are on this plane of communication, there may be hurt  
feelings, there may be tears, but the emotional thrill, the human  
growth, and the risking of the relationship in hopes that it will get  
better is well worth it. The communication that takes place here is  
memorable and meaningful.

I gave my copy of Clear Leadership, that I believe was written by  
Gervase Bushe, to my son who is a principal at my old school. As I  
read Bushe’s book I felt I was reading Carl Rogers.

As I learn more about AI, I’m seeing more and more of Carl Rogers in  
AI. I have taught students and parents the “skill” of Active  
Listening. I think in many ways Active Listening leads to AI.

That is my untrained observation. :)



The best,

Hank Kearns


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