[Ailist] Re: Connecting with Others

[Kevin Kervick]

Hello Cheri:

I like the way you talk about authenticity and others have also made great 
contributions.

I believe this thread may have been launched by an inquirer wanting to know 
if AI was denying the negative by its focus on creating a positive future. 
In other words is AI true?  My definition of authenticity is truth.  Am I 
true in my interactions with you?  Or, am I part-true or pseudomutual?  Am I 
bullshitting you?  Do I have a political agenda?  Am I posturing?  Am I 
trying to impress you?  How closely are you able to discern who I really am 
in my interactions with you?

In all relationships based on love and especially in change efforts, I 
believe people respond to truth.  But our society can't handle the truth so 
we have created all sorts of rules to soften it, punish it, or to create 
other barriers for its expression.  It is the route to neurosis and why 
Freud got his start with Victorian women who were repressed somatisizers. 
Truth is scary.

Yesterday, a political surrogate for Clinton, Geraldine Ferraro, a past Vice 
Presidential candidate in the US, made a statement about Obama that many 
people would agree is true.  Many people believe it is not true.  But the 
ensuing debate was not whether or not it was true but whether it was racist. 
If it is true then it cannot be racist, by definition, so that would end the 
argument.  But defenders don't even challenge the veracity, they throw 
daggers at the implication.

I heard a commentator recently say that the only truth tellers left in our 
society are fiction writers!  Truth can only be told under the protection of 
fiction.  This is a sign of a society in regression.  It is troublesome.

So, people have a great hunger for truth/authenticity.  It sets them free. 
I believe change efforts should be directed at revealing truth.  And indeed 
human progress is the revelation of truth.  So, in change we create a 
climate for the revelation of truth in the space between our relational 
complexity.  The how of that is something that people here have been 
describing much better than me.  I've been playing around with some words to 
describe truth-based couples therapy;

Containment - Access - Truth - reconciliation - change

That differs from our standard couple therapy approach:

Multi-lateral partiality - Tiptoeing around differences - reframing - 
decrease in tension - acceptance.

Truth is scary.  Of course!  But the alternative is pseudomutuality and 
stagnation.  And a declining civilization.  Diverse societies tend to be 
more pseudomutual because we have not yet discovered how to facilitate the 
revelation of truth without revolution.  To the extent that AI embodies 
truth it has vast potential to change the world.  But if it adopts 
pseudomutuality in order to preserve political identities, protect its own 
institutionalization, and not offend it loses its power.

Best regards all,

Kevin


> Kevin and Others,
>
> I would hope that the notion of authentic communication were relevant to 
> AI.
> :o)
>
> I ask specifically because I'm interested in how you are using it in the
> context of your email.  I have wrestled with the notion of authenticity 
> for
> some time and am currently of a mind that most everyone is usually as
> authentic as they can be. Fears, values, life conditions, etc., all create
> boundaries for how each of us "shows up" and I think that what is genuine
> and authentic within one frame may not be experienced that way from a
> different frame. AI actually makes room for these differences through
> inquiry.
>
> For me, AI and dialogue are about engaging with others in ways that allow
> interactions to occur with the least amount of fear and the greatest
> acceptance for differences in values, life conditions, and frames, which 
> may
> result in differences in what seems to be authentic.
>
> I'm interested in your meaning as it may well cross all these
> boundaries--and that would be delightful...and I think serve the AI
> community!
>
> Cheri
>
>
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: ailist-bounces at lists.business.utah.edu
> [mailto:ailist-bounces at lists.business.utah.edu] On Behalf Of Kevin Kervick
> Sent: Tuesday, March 11, 2008 11:06 AM
> To: ailist at lists.business.utah.edu
> Subject: Re: [Ailist] Re: Connecting with Others
>
> Hello Cheri:
>
> Thank you for asking.  Before I do so and because the moderator and others
> are concerned about focus I want to be sure this is appropriate for this
> listserv.  It interests me and apparently you but it may be off base for
> others.
>
> kevin
>
>
>  Kevin wrote:
>
>
>
>  Kevin wrote:
>
>
>
>  Prevailing notions of peace-making often entail tiptoeing around
> differences
>
>  in the search for the elusive convergence of attitudes and values.  But
>
>  without authentic communication, these efforts are pseudo-mutual and
> achieve
>
>  little.  The underlying beliefs embedded in this approach are that access
>
>  and authenticity are the only routes to durable change and that attitudes
>
>  are often influenced by emotion - the mind is changed when the heart is
>
>  moved.
>
>
>
>  Can you define for me "authentic communication" and say more about what
> you mean by "access".
>
>
>
>  Cheri
>
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