[Ailist] Re: Connecting with Others
relationshipresources at fuse.net
relationshipresources at fuse.net
Tue Mar 11 19:04:15 MST 2008
Hello all
I also appreciate the conversation and the depth of the listening and staying in tension with the conversation.
I want to speak to this issue of "the mind being moved by the heart" as I think it so important to not only the current conversation but the world as well. My husband and I had the great privilege a number of years ago to visit the former Soviet Union with a group of Family Studies professionals. It was the March following the toppling of the statue of Lenin and there was a great sense of anxiety about the future but excitement as well. While in Moscow and Tashkent we had the same two women interpeting for the group. The meetings were all very professional and quite sterile until we visited a school. The children in this school were all studying Chinese and they put on a little play for our delegation. After the play, we had a dialogue with the teachers. One of the members of the delegation asked the translators to tell the teachers how much we had enjoyed the play and how our hearts had been touched by the fact that these children looked like our own children. She ended her comment by saying that she knew that the parents of these children had the same fear that all parents have, the fear of a war that would take our children from us. The translator, herself a young mother, began the translation and when she got to the part of "these children are like our children and the wish for peace" she began to cry and so did the delegation and the teachers. As a matter of fact, I am crying at this moment as I write this remembrance. I can only speak for myself but I know that when I see or hear anything about the Russian people or the possibility of war I remember that translator who could not keep "her professional face" on. We were all the better for her authentic response and I think our minds about who and what the Russian people are were changed as a result.
I have thought often about this incident; especially since the loss of the youngest of our six children a few years ago. I have struggled many times in my AI work, when something would come up that brought the thought of our loss up to keep my "professional face" on. I found myself censoring my thoughts and feelings thinking that recalling such a sad event would "spoil" the affirmative work of AI. I have very much changed "my mind" of late, especially in thinking about the value of the Shadow. I think my work and my life are better for having let "my mask" down. I trust that is true for this sharing as well.
Appreciatively
Joan
Joan Colleran Hoxsey D.Min., MSed
Principal, Relationship Resources LLC
Co-owner AIC
513 681-2513
"Be the change you wish to see in the world"...Gandhi
--
On the WEB at www.relationshipresources.net
---- Proteus Communications <proteus at shawbiz.ca> wrote:
> I want to add my appreciation for this thread about hierarchy, language,
> authentic communication--and thank you Cheri for drawing us out with your
> clarifying questions and attentive listening. (Cheri your ability to
> "listen" through the email brings a whole new meaning to "listserv" in how
> you serve through listening!) And I'm looking forward to Kevin's elaboration
> on "authentic communication"
>
> I'm also curious to hear more about your phrase "the mind is changed when
> the heart is moved." It's a wonderful description of what happens in
> dialogue (in the Bohmian sense)--and I believe this (with all my heart!)
>
> I do have some thoughts to share about this phrase from the perspective of a
> developmental psychologist.
>
> The idea that the mind is changed when the heart is moved is a fundamental
> premise of clinical psychologist Gordon Neufeld who has done a lot of
> research into the role the limbic/emotional brain (the literal counterpart
> to the metaphorical heart) plays in human development and in learning. He
> refers to the limbic centre as the "workhorse" for our maturation--we cannot
> learn, adapt, maturate, integrate and reach our full potential as human
> beings if we do not experience the sadness and the futility of what we
> cannot change, and it's the tears that come with hitting this "wall of
> futility" that brings softness, resiliency and adaptability to the brain
> (our frontal cortex). People who have not experienced their own tears
> about what has not worked for them in their lives become stuck--their views,
> ideas, beliefs about how things "must be" become rigid. We have become so
> averse to tears in North American society that we are breeding generations
> of stuck children who grow into stuck adults. It's very hard to move to
> adaptation or to change one's mind when our brains are, quite literally,
> "stuck."
>
> This seems central to our understanding of "dominators" "collaborators"
> compromisers...It is very hard, if not impossible, to move from our
> positions or "change our minds" without the soft hearts. So, what are the
> conditions under which hearts are moved so that minds can change?
>
> Thanks again everyone for this rich discussion.
>
> Kathryn
>
> Kathryn Thomson
> --------------------------
> Proteus Communications
> proteus at shawbiz.ca
>
> Some doors open only from the inside Hafiz
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: ailist-bounces at lists.business.utah.edu
> [mailto:ailist-bounces at lists.business.utah.edu] On Behalf Of Charlotte
> Henley
> Sent: Tuesday, March 11, 2008 11:35 AM
> To: Kevin Kervick; ailist at lists.business.utah.edu
> Subject: RE: [Ailist] Re: Connecting with Others
>
> Hello to All and Anne,
> Please continue this discussion. This is providing a meaningful
> exchange
> of ideas that leads me to understand AI at a much deeper level. This is all
> about AI. It has been a long time since there has been such a spirited
> dialogue... I was eager to get to my emails today to read the wonderful
> thoughts and ideas and practical information that is being posted. I am
> savoring every word.... I am challenged to think. Loving it!
> Charlotte Denny-Henley, Student of AI
> Open Door Consulting
> Huron, SD
>
> -----Original Message-----
> From: ailist-bounces at lists.business.utah.edu
> [mailto:ailist-bounces at lists.business.utah.edu]On Behalf Of Kevin
> Kervick
> Sent: Tuesday, March 11, 2008 10:06 AM
> To: ailist at lists.business.utah.edu
> Subject: Re: [Ailist] Re: Connecting with Others
>
>
> Hello Cheri:
>
> Thank you for asking. Before I do so and because the moderator and others
> are concerned about focus I want to be sure this is appropriate for this
> listserv. It interests me and apparently you but it may be off base for
> others.
>
> kevin
>
>
> Kevin wrote:
>
>
>
> Kevin wrote:
>
>
>
> Prevailing notions of peace-making often entail tiptoeing around
> differences
>
> in the search for the elusive convergence of attitudes and values. But
>
> without authentic communication, these efforts are pseudo-mutual and
> achieve
>
> little. The underlying beliefs embedded in this approach are that access
>
> and authenticity are the only routes to durable change and that attitudes
>
> are often influenced by emotion - the mind is changed when the heart is
>
> moved.
>
>
>
> Can you define for me "authentic communication" and say more about what
> you mean by "access".
>
>
>
> Cheri
>
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>
> _______________________________________________
> The Appreciative Inquiry Discussion List is hosted by the David Eccles
> School of Business at the University of Utah. Jack Brittain is the list
> administrator. For subscription information, go to:
> http://mailman.business.utah.edu:8080/mailman/listinfo/ailist
>
> _______________________________________________
> The Appreciative Inquiry Discussion List is hosted by the David Eccles School of Business at the University of Utah. Jack Brittain is the list administrator. For subscription information, go to:
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