[Ailist] Connecting with Others

[Rob Voyle]

Hi Kevin

On 9 Mar 2008 at 13:02, Kevin Kervick wrote:

> Can you deeply identify with someone that believes the Iraq was was
> just and necessary?  You are ashamed and you believe it is overwhelming evil.
> Are you able to connect with what is valuable in a community with which
> you vehemently disagree?

I would have to say it depends and then the "how" becomes more important.

As a consultant I would say it is unethical to consult with or coach someone with 
whom you can not find a place of shared values.  If I am fundamentally opposed 
to you achieving your goal I have no business masquerading as someone who is 
helping you to achieve your goal. And I also believe there are times to take a 
stand and say I am radically opposed to your goal and I will work to see you 
don't achieve it. 

On the other hand to simply dismiss the goal and the person without 
consideration may be really unhelpful to all concerned.

I think of a friend, an executive coach who was called by a potential client with 
goal for coaching was to anihilate his competion.  That goal violated my friends 
values, but rather than judgmentally tell him to get lost transformed his 
judgment into curiosity and asked:  "I am curious why would annihilating your 
competition be valuable to you?"  
The potential client responded: "because then I could go peacefully to sleep at 
night, knowing my company is safe and my 500 employees have a job 
tomorrow."
My friend then responded:  "If I could help you make sure your company is 
secure without having to annihilate the competition would that work for you."
To which the client responded "sure, that would be great." 

So my strategy would be to explore what are the underlying core values that the 
people I disagree with have.  To I also share those values.  is there a way we can 
find a strategy to achieve those deeper values, and is that strategy consistent 
with the deeper values.

With respect to the war in Iraq. I do think that one of the underlying core values 
is safety/security that those on both sides of the issue would agree with.  What 
we disagree on is the strategy to achieve safety. But I could join with others at 
and that level and explore the times we have been safe and what we could do to 
achieve safety. 

>From a sustainability perspective the path to the goal must be consistent with 
the goal, and the achievement of the goal cannot be at the expense of another.  
We cannot be safe if we make others unsafe.  As Leif and Lionel and others point 
out we in the US are not alone.  In the global village we live in we can no longer 
think of one nation being safe at the expense of another, we need to think of the 
world being safe.  In that regard I find the entire political debate in the US very 
impoverished because it all about us and not about how we need to be part of 
the world, but that could be because I am just another foreigner who makes 
their home in the US.

Rob
  
Robert J. Voyle, Psy.D.
Director, Clergy Leadership Institute
For Coaching and Training in Appreciative Inquiry
Author: Core Elements of the Appreciative Way 
http://www.clergyleadership.com/
503-647-2378 or 503-647-2382