[Ailist] Re: Ailist Digest, Vol 60, Issue 2

[Katri K]

Hi!

I worked years with people who have been bullied and I think that AI has a lot to give. With AI we can help individuals to find their own strenghts in a way, that has a permanent effect.

Rob wrote:
^So take bullying.  That is a problem.  But you can't get a child or 
adult, or country for that matter, to do less bullying.  Ignoring it won't make it 
go away, in fact ignoring it is just a way of cooperating with the bully.  Nor do 
we need to waste our time trying to understand the cause of bullying.  What we 
need to do is find the cause of respect and cooperation and focus our aattention 
on getting more of that. 

I couldn't agree more. Now I work as a mediator advisor and we have mediated bullying cases, where children have been aged 8-12. In these cases they have been punished before mediation and that's why we try to concentrate more on the positive things and to the future. Of course in mediation everything starts from what has happened, who has done and what. Then children are given an opportunity to apologize. Then our mediators have used method which we call remembering of the future. The question is: Think forward (2-3 months) and imagine that the situation is good, you can all be together and you don't have to fear anything, What has happended? How you have behaved, what have you done? Then there is an discussion about promises, which children want to make, and those promises are used to make "a contract". Usually mediators meet children and there parents 2-3 months later to see if those promises were kept. And of course techers are informed about these
 promises. There has been very good results and I think that one big thing is, that when children have behaved well and kept their promises, it is acknowledged (I hope this was a right word :) ). As adults we are quick to point the mistakes, but we forget to give good feedback to children.
 
Katri Kytöpuu
Mediation advisor
Setlementti Louhela
Sibeliuksenkatu 19 B 21
04400 Järvenpää
Finland


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