[Ailist] How does it work? (Hank Kearns)

Tue Mar 4 02:45:55 MST 2008

Attempting to respond to one of Hank's examples. not convinced how ignoring
the bad.

I am not sure, if I myself understand fully the impact of bullying as seen
in north America (my understanding is limited to what happens in academic
institutions in India)

Example 1: .a school that has a real problem with bullying. Can you ignore
the physical  

and emotional pain that is being inflicted while you identify the positive
and encourage it to grow? 

A Response - perhaps the emotional pain inflected on an individual cannot be
removed. However, does it get removed when excessive cognizance is taken of
the 'bully' (even if it is a reprimand)? Sometimes it only aggravates the
pain of victim.  Surely there has to be a focus on alleviating the pain.
Here's how one example of AI way to approach the situation

*      Dealing with victim:

o       Visualise what would happen when the interactions aimed to alleviate
the pain hurt were to 

*         acknowledge & empathize with pain

*         remind him/ her of relationships which provided help, care &
affection - right there in the school situation

*         help him/ her understand that this was an aberration and not a
norm

o       Perhaps these would help lessen the pain

o       The focus could be on future (several relationships full of
affection & trust, waiting to happen in his/ her life) - rather than past
(the event of bullying which occurred) 

o       At a systemic level, this will perhaps enhance the possibility that
victim will see it glorious to help & care rather than be a bully;
hypothesis - 'bullies multiply in numbers with greater attention paid to the
acts of bullying - in other words glorified'. One of the ways it could be
tackled at systemic level is - the victim is personally met by seniors/
respected members of institution and the delinquent dealt with firmly by
frontline staff (often in reality organizations practice the reverse -
victim's pain is not even acknowledged by the powers that be and the bully
is summoned by the head of school - even if to reprimand)

*      Dealing with delinquent:

o       Visualise what would happen when the interactions aimed to correct
the behaviour of delinquent were to focus on 

*         Helping him/ her realise the impact of his/ her act

*         Put him in touch with the best relationships he/ she has enjoyed
in life 

*         etc.

I am not sure if the above will tantamount to 'ignoring the bad' or
otherwise; but chances surely are higher in this approach that this school
will have fewer incidents of bullying.  Perhaps some of you have already
read these two small real stories in Charles Elliott's book; this is my
favourite way to explain the freshness brought about by AI

==========

Rosemary Willson is a successful New York publisher. Her marriage broke up
three years ago and she has custody of her 11-year-old son, Joel. Despite
Rosemary's determination to provide him with every material and emotional
advantage, Joel is clearly having a hard time growing up as a lone child of
a single parent. He has long had behavioral problems at school, has become
truant and is truculent when challenged about this at home. He has never
shown much affection for his caregiver, Joanne, though she is highly trained
and does everything she can to win the boy's trust and regard.

Rosemary has decided the situation is now so serious that she must tackle it
more systematically. She tells Joanne to keep a list of Joel's misdemeanors
and to make sure to ask his teacher each day how he has behaved when she
picks him up from school.  "He has to learn," says Rosemary. "I will go
through the list with him every evening-quietly, methodically, thoroughly,
explaining why what he has done is wrong or unacceptable. We will soon see a
big improvement. He's a bright enough youngster; he just needs to have
things pointed out to him in a consistent way. Once he sees that we are on
to him, he'll change...." Joel's behaviour has gotten no better; in some
important respects, it has become worse since this list-and-tell regime was
begun.  

Two thousand miles to the South West, the Lakota people in New Mexico also
have a delinquent youngster. He has been seen damaging people's cars and
trucks in the car lot outside the store. When challenged, he has been rude
and dismissive of the authority of the elders.  The whole clan is called
together one evening and forms a large circle. The young man's father walks
with him into the middle of the circle and then joins the other adults on
the perimeter. The father begins to speak first.  "You are our first born,
our most precious one. Your mother and I rejoiced the first time we felt you
kick in her stomach. We ran from house to house, telling all these people
that you were alive and well and strong. And so you were. You were born
crying with a shout so loud they heard it three hundred yards away above the
radio. How proud we were! How happy! You have always made us happy. Your
first few steps-oh, how you fell over into a puddle. The look on your face!
How we laughed...."

On and on, the father recounts, sharing the happiest memories of his son's
life. No word of criticism is uttered. The father's task is to remind the
young man of all that he means to the family, the clan, the people; of all
the joy and happiness he has brought; of the delight his wider family have
in him. When he is finished, it is the uncle's turn. He is followed by the
two grandfathers.  The sky is darkening, the stars plainly visible. It will
be long past midnight before they have finished. After the men, the women
speak, in gentler tones, in softer cadence-for it is on them that much of
the work, from first labour pains to saving enough for schoolbooks, has
fallen.

Finally, the clan chief speaks. He summarizes all that has been said. He
speaks slowly, with long pauses, as though searching for the deepest ways of
saying what has to be said. His theme, from which he never deviates, is the
same: the pride and pleasure this young man has brought to all the Lakota
people; the living, the departed and those not yet born. Like all the
earlier speakers, he never mentions the vandalism and the malicious damage,
the shame, the anger, the futility, the mindlessness. All that is left
unsaid, unhinted. The sole refrain is that this young man is a beautiful
gift to the whole people, one of inexpressible value. When the old man has
finished speaking, he makes a small sign. The ring of people stands still,
almost at attention, looking ahead of them at the young man in the centre of
the circle. Then they melt wordlessly into the night.

Which youngster has the better chance of transformational change: the one
whose faults are catalogued and reviewed each day? Or the one who has been
ritually assured of his place in the hearts of all his people?  This
contrast is what the appreciative approach is all about. 

[From book Locating the Energy for Change: An Introduction to Appreciative
Inquiry by Chales Eliott]

Warm regards to all & love

Harish

www.potentia.in <http://www.potentia.in/> 

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Message: 2

Date: Mon, 3 Mar 2008 15:03:11 -0500

From: Hank Kearns <hkearns4 at comcast.net>

Subject: [Ailist] How does it work?

To: AIList <ailist at lists.business.utah.edu>

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I  am a retired health teachers. I have always been looking for  

information to share with my students concerning mental health and  

relationships. Sine Im a old as dirt, I started with Maslow and  

his hierarchy concepts, that lead to Carl Rogers and his excellent  

work on communication skills, followed by Albert Ellis, Timothy Beck  

and Cognitive Psychology, and more recently Positive Psychology lead  

by Seligman and Peterson.   Along the way I stumbled onto  

Appreciative Inquiry. I tried to get my school to utilize AI concepts  

in changing our school, but was not successful . Ive been a lurker  

to this list and a fan of AI for many years. Recently I have tried to  

use AI in my personal life. I have no problem with the major  

principles of AI, but I have to admit that Im not convinced about  

ignoring the bad.

Let me give you an example. Lets say we are working with a school   

that has a real problem with bullying. Can you ignore the physical  

and emotional pain that is being inflicted while you identify the  

positive and encourage it to grow? (I know Im in trouble asking this  

kind of question, but I am looking for an answer.) :)

Perhaps a less harmful situation. In your marriage your spouse is a  

slob. He or she never puts things away. Besides that your spouse is  

loving, supportive, and responsible at work and with your children.  

They just are not very neat. Carl Rogers would say that you express  

your persist feelings. You would explain that you are embarrassed  

with the way your house looks, and you want him or her to take in  

consideration your feelings and put things away when he or she is  

done with.

Im showing my ignorance here, but I have a problem with this.

Hank Kearns

- -

www.greydogmac.com

Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile. Albert Eistein

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