[Ailist] Has AI been used effectively with teen-agers and drugs [APOLOGIES FOR THE LONG POST]

[Sue James]

Anna spector wrote:
> Dear AI Community,
>   Yesterday I attended a memorial service for my seventeen year old cousin who passed away due to an accidental drug overdose.  He was bright, handsome,cared about the planet, but unfortunately,had an addiction that claims so many teen-agers each year.  The grief therapist in charge did a poor job and focused mostly on the tragedy, etc.  Needless to say she took the laughter out of any conversation we were sharing about the times we appreciated him.  It was truly a downer.  So, I have been reflecting on AI a lot and I was curious if anyone had worked with teens involved with drugs and was AI a powerful enough influence to steer them away from drugs and into something more productive?   Thank you again for letting me share this. 

Dear Anna

Thank you for sharing this story - it is one that I'm sure resonates 
deeply with many others on this list, as it did with me.

I don't have experience of using AI with teens specifically in relation 
to drug use - though it certainly links closely with other work in which 
I was involved for many years that was designed to enhance the 
resilience of young people, both in schools and across the community 
sector. I'm not sure whether you've come across research and work with 
resilience? There is a great deal of information available, based on 
research and practice over very many years. I have a huge collection of 
resources gathered since my first encounter with the idea back in about 
1993. :-)

Some of the best online resources I've found on resilience are listed at 
http://www.bjseminars.com.au/linksresil.html
(If you're interested in others, including some excellent articles I 
have, please email me off list and I'll be happy to share them.)

I believe that AI is very much linked to the concept of resilience, and 
it also reminds us of the fact that it is often within the darkest times 
that, paradoxically perhaps, we find the seeds of new hope and growth.

In relation to the above, I wanted to share a personal experience and 
some other thoughts - many of which really have been expressed already 
some time ago in both the AI or PCC mailing lists. So, being rather 
short of time this morning ... :-) .. I thought I'd find those earlier 
posts of mine and copy/paste much of the content here. My apologies to 
people who have read them already! :-)

Firstly ... in relation to losing someone we love, and the efficacy of 
'grief counselling' ... here is a story I shared in this list back in 
2005, with a few amendments/additions. It was then and is now a little 
scary to share it in such a public way, but I hope it may resonate with 
some readers.

At the time, there were several messages and a conversation on the AI 
list about healing conversations and how, in the darkest of times, we 
can also experience the gifts of appreciation, gratitude and joy. I 
found myself both moved by the conversation and inspired to share the 
following thoughts and story ...

Death of a loved one is perhaps one of the most profound of dark times, 
filled with loss, grief and pain. Yet these are often the times when 
those of us who remain share a deep sense of connection and love at the 
same time. There can also be moments of laughter and joy, even in the 
midst of our grief.

My partner, Glenn, died in June 1999. Tragically, he took his own life 
and, for a number of reasons, his body was not found for four days. I 
won't share the details of my trip to the coroner's court and the 
ensuing process I had to go through to identify his body - suffice to 
say it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and I hope I never 
have to experience such a thing again. Although I had a definite 
appointment to view and identify Glenn's body, after I came back out to 
the foyer I was told that the onsite grief counsellor was out to lunch 
and wouldn't be back for at least an hour. I was hastily given a folder 
of grief literature, and essentially left to my own resources.

Fortunately, not only did I have a friend to drive me (I had at least 
realised I'd be foolish to try doing that myself) but I also had 
wonderful support over the ensuing days, weeks and months from family 
and friends to help me through the healing process that I needed.

Also, as the following serves to illustrate, positive conversations and 
humour were profoundly important in that healing process. Something that 
perhaps, as Anna indicated, I would certainly not have experienced if 
I'd gone to a designated 'grief counsellor' at the time!

Glenn's family and I met with the funeral director, as families do at 
such times, and were looking at the various brochures and pictures of 
coffins, flowers etc. We chose the simplest of coffins ... because Glenn 
loved making things with his hands out of wood, and it seemed 
appropriate to pick one that was simple but beautiful, just as 
everything Glenn had made.

Glenn was also a perfectionist about anything he did .... we used to 
tease him that anything he made would remain standing after everything 
else around it had fallen down. After we'd picked his coffin, his 
brother quipped .. "Yep, but if Glenn had made it, there'd be two inch 
bolts every six inches all around it!" .. And in the midst of this 
incredibly painful time, we found ourselves laughing!

Glenn had also left instructions that he wanted to be cremated, and have 
his ashes scattered in the Thompson's River in country Victoria - a 
place we used to love going camping. When the funeral director asked us 
about the cremation, Glenn's brother-in-law suddenly laughed and said 
.... "Well, he wanted to be cremated .. and if we have to go up to 
Thompson's River, we'll have to camp ..what do you reckon,  we could 
have a HUGE campfire ........ "   And again, we found ourselves laughing 
together, even extending our conversation to the idea that we could 
build a raft and send Glenn's spirit down the river like the Vikings 
used to do!

This may be what is called "black humour" ... but ours was NOT 
light-hearted or disrespectful laughter, that's for sure!  There are no 
words adequate to describe our pain and grief at that time. But in the 
midst of our pain, for a few moments we were turning our faces from 
darkness back into the sunshine. Our laughter was helping us to hold 
onto our courage with both hands and start to heal.

Over the following months, there were many moments like this. We shared 
both our tears and our laughter, as we talked about the funny things, 
the great times, the joy of being with Glenn, as well as our pain and 
grief at losing him. For us, these were truly conversations that heal.

To finish the story here, I'll add something I wrote some time later, 
after we'd had that trip to Thompsons River to scatter Glenn's ashes in 
the way he wanted. Once again, on this trip together, our conversations 
held both pain and joy. For me, the fact that we can experience pain and 
joy, tears and laughter, at one and the same time is one of those 
wonderful paradoxes of our life's journey.

You left instructions.
Thompson's River
near Brunton's Bridge
you said -
so here we are.
Our campfire plays
the last song of a tree
as we talk into the night
and watch the flames dance.
Memories and our love for you
weave through the fabric
of our conversation
like threads of gold.
At midnight,
mystical pivot
of yesterday and tomorrow,
our footsteps echo
on the small wooden bridge.
Silently
in velvet darkness
we stand watching
as torchlight, held steady,
makes your ashes a silver stream
falling softly to the river below
and silvery clouds
drifting on the wind.
For a moment and an eternity
the universe stands still
as earth, air and water
carry you away. "

On to other connected thoughts .. and a more recent conversation in the 
PCC list, in which I talked about the idea of resilience in response to 
a story shared by Marge Schiller. It is a story about her experience on 
9/11 that moved her to change the whole focus to working with children 
and young people, rather than with corporations ...

I myself have heard it from [Marge} several times, and am equally moved 
and inspired by each re-telling. It is also a story I often share with 
others, as I think it embodies the spirit of AI. It is also a wonderful 
story to tell to those I encounter who make comments such as: "But 
doesn't AI ignore the problems and the negative stuff? How can we deal 
with those if we don't talk about them?" :-)

For me this is one of the stories that show AI doesn't 'ignore' the 
negatives - the pain, grief and tragedy that are part of our human 
existence. Instead, it honours those experiences, and appreciates the 
gifts they can bring us - when we look for those gifts.

For me, [Marge's] story captures so beautifully the idea that it is 
often within our darkest moments or most shattering experiences where we 
find the seeds from which new, and perhaps otherwise unrecognised, 
possibilities and hope can emerge.

Paradoxically, we sometimes need to experience fear, anxiety, pain or 
grief, in order to find new directions, new hope or a fresh appreciation 
what is right in our world.

It's a little akin to the concept of resilience, where being 'knocked 
out of our comfort zone' can paradoxically be a good thing if we can 
reintegrate that experience in a way that leads to growth.  For those 
who may be interested in this idea, I've attached a quick screen capture 
of a resilience diagram, developed by Glenn Richardson, from the Uni of 
Utah, about 10 years ago. :-)

Or as Kahlil Gibran once said a much longer time ago: "Even as the stone 
of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must 
you know pain" or, another of my favourites "The deeper that sorrow 
carves into your being, the more joy you can contain."

Mind you, as Glenn Richardson's diagram indicates, this kind of 
'resilient reintegration' takes 'creativity and work'! It's certainly 
not always easy to find those seeds of hope within the darkness, or to 
find new learning and growth. And we all can really need a helping hand 
from others at times. It can be hard work. At the very least, it can 
require conscious intent. The kind of conscious intent we are invited to 
use within Appreciative Inquiry.

This has been true from my experience anyway, and it resonates very much 
with what AI is all about.

And on a lighter note ... I've reckon there's definitely a Cosmic Joker 
in the universe, keeping an eye on our various antics.

Just when things are going swimmingly well, and we're sailing along in 
that comfort zone, he/she says ... "Oh, so you reckon you've got things 
sorted do you? You reckon you know what you're doing and what life's 
about? ... Heheheheheh .. Well try THIS one out for size!!"  ... :-)

Once again, I apologise both for the long post  - and for the 'duplicate 
content' to those list members who have read it before. However, Anna's 
post triggered similar thoughts and reflections for me as those 
expressed in these earlier posts, without the time available this 
morning to re-create or re-write them. I hope they will still be of 
relevance to this discussion - and to others here on the list.

Warmly
Sue

-- 
Sue James
Facilitator & Consultant
Ph: +613 9758 2528
BJ Seminars International
inspiring and connecting people
www.bjseminars.com.au 

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