[Ailist] Re: Questions to Celebrate Life

[Cindy Grant]

Hello to all of you.   I am new to this list, but I see a place here where I
might have some input.   10 years ago I lost my 19 year old son to a drug
overdose and I searched and brainstormed for positive ways to celebrate his
life.  Two hands-on activities have proved to be beneficial for family and
friends.  In fact now, 10 years later, both activities still continue to be
a source of joy for those who miss him.

1.  Memory Book - Prior to his funeral, we put together a memory - or
scrapbook - of Dan's life.   Everyone who wished to contributed to the book
- parents, sisters, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and friends.
People contributed what meant the most to them - pictures, movie tickets,
programs from shows and events, creative photo and poetry created on
computer, on and on.  Anything that they found would connect them to Dan.
Then they had a page in the book to put it all in and write whatever they
wanted.
	This turned out to be a very joyous project and something that is a
"living tribute" Dan as family and friends still contribute to the book
today.

2.  Celebration of Life - This came about as a way to help Dan's cousins and
friends cope with the loss and continues to this day.  The first time was
the eve of his funeral, but it has now switched to his birthday every year.
On this night I continue to open my home to all who wish to come and we
update the memory book, enjoy each others company, and at 8:00 pm we have a
balloon release (may not be environmentally friendly, but it helps the
heart).  Each person says a few "words" to Dan and releases the balloon into
the night sky.  It is a very healing event.  I never send out invitations --
I just know that this group will simply show up at my door around 6 or 7 pm.
Now, 10 years later, we still keep this night open for people who want to
come and celebrate.  His friends and cousins are now married and having
children of their own, but they continue to come and bring their spouses and
young children with them.   

I love this because it brings home to the group - at least once a year - the
drug prevention messages that I now spend my life working to get out there!

Anyway,  something told me I needed to share this.

Cindy



-----Original Message-----
From: ailist-bounces at lists.business.utah.edu
[mailto:ailist-bounces at lists.business.utah.edu] On Behalf Of
joanchad10 at aol.com
Sent: Friday, May 04, 2007 5:12 AM
To: ailist at lists.business.utah.edu
Subject: [Ailist] Re: Questions to Celebrate Life

Dear Bill --

We know this is a time of loss and yet you already realize it can also 
be a time of true celebration - as you say a way to share your love. 
Sounds like you have opened your heart to find a wonderful way to 
celebrate those who have passed. We are writing a book, Healing 
Conversations at End of Life, and would love to share the story of your 
celebration in it. Please let us know when you have done it.

There are already some wonderful questions that people on this list 
have shared with you . Some additional thoughts: The two universal 
questions that people need answered if they are to die in peace are Was 
I loved/Did I love well? and Was my life meaningful? You might begin 
asking people and recording the answers to: How has Jean shown you her 
love? Tell a story about a time when you felt most loved by Jean. What 
did she do that made you feel so loved? What difference did Jean make 
in your life?

You might consider including her. Even if she is close to death hearing 
the answers to some of the stories might provide a loving send off.   
You might interview people in her room even if she appears to be in a 
comma. It is surprising what people can continue to hear as they near 
death. Having her in the room, noticing even slight responses as people 
tell their stories will certainly add an immediacy to the rememberances 
and your legacy of her. You might also be helping to send her off with 
special love stories.

What a precious gift you are giving to all of Jean's family and 
friends.  Blessings, I would be glad to talk with you.  207.232.5766.

Joan Chadbourne and Tony Silbert
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