[Ailist] Appreciative Questions to Celebrate Life

[Edging Leadership]

Bill: I'm sorry to hear of your impending "loss" and glad to share some
recent experiences from a friend's funeral last week.

We were asked at a friend's "Celebration of Life" to tell the family a story
of a time when that person (who had passed on) said or did something that
touched our life in some meaningful way....

We were asked to consider our own positive thoughts of that person as they
gave us random words such as "smile", "laughter" (this person had had the
most amazing giggle vs. laugh), children (8 grandchildren that she doted
on), quilting (she left a legacy of over 40 quilts - some of which were on
display), garden, sunshine, travel, etc.  This was so "her"... (this was all
part of the eulogy)

We were also asked to consider the "gifts" we remember this individual
having and how they had chosen to share those "gifts" with others throughout
their journey in life (during the benediction and closing)

While it was a sad time, it was also the most remarkable of "celebrations"
and I know the individual would have thought the service beautiful. 

A couple other points: 

Instead of having people sing the hymns - they had this person's favorite
hymns digitally recorded and they were listened to (rather than sung to by
the congregation). The artist who sang them was this person's favorite
singer. This took the pressure off people to sing hymns or try to sing while
crying.

As well, the Minister invited all the children to the front of the chapel
and then told them a story about "water bugs and dragonflies" - a great
story about a water bug who one day while sitting on a lilypad became a
dragonfly. Discovering her magnificent wings she flew above the pond, seeing
all the other water bugs swimming in the water and not knowing she was above
them. She wanted to tell all the other waterbugs about what awaited them,
yet when she tried to get their attention or to get close to the water, she
found she was not permitted to return to the water (because she now had
wings and was no longer fit for the water). So instead, she had to be
content to wait until the other water bugs transformed into dragonflies, so
they could all be together again. 

The minister then told the children that this story described what happens
when we die; that we are transformed into something wonderful and that we
are still "around", just unable to return to the rest of the "waterbugs",
until their time comes to become dragonflies as well.... The children and
all the adults loved this story and it was so fitting, as the deceased
person was a "master storyteller" who loved all children.

Laurie Maslak
Calgary, AB


-----Original Message-----
From: ailist-bounces at lists.business.utah.edu
[mailto:ailist-bounces at lists.business.utah.edu] On Behalf Of Bill Scott
Sent: Tuesday, May 01, 2007 7:30 PM
To: ailist at lists.business.utah.edu
Subject: [Ailist] Appreciative Questions to Celebrate Life

Hello all,

 

I am hoping you can assist me with a very personal request.

 

My mother-in-law is in the final days of her battle with cancer.
Unfortunately, a
funeral service is not far off.

 

Everyone deals with their grief in different ways. My way is to come up with
some way
that will allow all of us to celebrate Jean's life rather than mourn her
death. About
5 years ago, before I really knew a lot about AI, I did a similar thing when
my
father-in-law died. I created a PowerPoint presentation that celebrated the
many
stages and facets of his life. It consisted of text typed into the
presentation and
old pictures that were scanned into it. It was the best way I could think of
to
celebrate his life and honour his memory. Too soon afterwards, I am looking
at doing
something similar for my mother-in-law.

 

Two things are different this time. First, the technology available to me
(for
example, digital cameras and camcorders that can be melded into a PowerPoint
presentation) will allow me to do interviews and take pictures that I can
immediately
incorporate into the presentation. Second, and this is where this list can
assist me,
I am far more familiar with AI and the positive impact that the philosophy
and
approach can have - even at a funeral? At least that's my thinking.

 

So my request of you is this: what good appreciative interview questions
might I ask
of family members, friends, fellow volunteers, acquaintances, and the like?
How can I
get them to tell me about "the good, the better, the best" of my
mother-in-law's
life? I have one or two ideas (eg. What did you value most about Jean?), but
I'd like
a lot of different questions that I can ask people.

 

Anyone that can assist me with this request will have my eternal gratitude.

 

Regards,

Bill Scott 

Vancouver, B.C.

 

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