[Ailist] 360 degree reviews

[Cheri Torres]

Bryan,

 

Your "asking back" is also a dialogic practice that helps move these
conversations to a "more real" and "less gamey" level.  Thanks for asking!

 

My reason for asking aligns with your response. This is my own perception of
what 'game' means.I asked because I didn't want to assume that my definition
was the same as others'. As well, I am more and more beginning to see how
such terms-when I use them-position all the players--which subsequently
includes power dynamics, proscribed expectations for actions and intentions,
anticipated responses, assumptions about reasons and intentions, etc. (Rom
Harre's work)  More and more I find that this is the "stuff" that seems to
get in the way of really being present with/to another. 

 

I am also discovering that very often I am not fully aware of all of my
thoughts, feelings, etc., for why I might act in a certain way.  When I'm
asked about it, I begin to gain greater insight into my own behavior, etc.,
and when these questions allow real clarity, I can see greater possibilities
for going forward.  For me, 'game' carries this sense that players are fully
aware and acting with intention (the independent, individual strategist).
This may be true and one level, but I'm finding when people ask me questions
that help me step back to see "what is it that I'm doing with my words?" I
get to see the interaction at a whole different level. I realize there is
another layer that I'm not aware of in my actions.  My asking that question,
it helps take it out of the personal and into the relational.  At the
relational level of awareness, another world for interaction can open up.

 

Does this make sense?


Cheri

 

 

  _____  

From: Bryan Kidd [mailto:bryan at thoughtfulleadership.com] 
Sent: Friday, July 13, 2007 9:21 AM
To: 'Cheri Torres'; ailist at lists.business.utah.edu.
Subject: RE: RE: [Ailist] 360 degree reviews

 

Hi Cheri

 

Your question is evocative. It brings to my mind the risk of discounting
powerful defences as 'games'.  I was using this terminology to make my
contribution within the context of the discussion.  

 

My preference is to use the term 'defences', to acknowledge those defences
as legitimate, and to appreciate their importance.  If defences are to be
'exposed' in public situations, I endeavour to do so with tact and awareness
that they often represent a lifetime of behavioural programming.  Most often
I try to expose defences by observing behaviour and asking context specific
questions.  I often find self-disclosure useful as well.  

 

For example, I felt somewhat threatened by your question (see below), and
felt as though I needed to defend my previous comments, as if I was being
challenged by someone in authority.  Hence I am trying to craft this email
with awareness my own defensive routine of rebellion.

 

This helps me position a follow up question; Cheri, what were your thoughts
that prompted you to ask your question?

 

My response so far probably makes it obvious that I have some
para-psychoanalytic training (my disclosure and question to Cheri are a
description of transference).  I completed a Masters program that used
systems psychodynamics as a construct for organizational analysis (Masters
in Applied Science - Organization Dynamics at RMIT University, Melbourne,
Australia).  My passion is developing ways to simply and effectively apply
those concepts.

 

'Games' is also a popularly accepted term for the behaviour described by
Chris.  Perhaps Eric Berne had something to do with popularizing the use of
this term.

 

Cheers.

 

Bryan.

 

Bryan Kidd, CEO

Thoughtful Leadership.  Activate your power to influence!

www.thoughtfulleadership.com <http://www.thoughtfulleadership.com/>