[Ailist] AI and Coaching - not only the coachee but also his boss

[Rob Voyle]

Hi Esther

Self-esteem is a byproduct of doing that which a person esteems.  it is
impossible to create genuine esteem in a vacuum.  To help raise esteem you
would need to discover what the person esteems and then help them discover
their resources to accomplish that.  I would agree with Cheri's comments
about helping the person develop self-effacacy, by helping them be
effective/competent in the things they value.  To have a sense of
self-esteem or self-effacacy without reference to doing things they esteem
or are actually effective at would be delusionary and potentially
dangerous.

With respect to changing the boss:  "What access do you have to the boss?"
 If you don't have access then you can't change them.  The danger in these
types of coaching situations where there is a non present "problem person"
is that the entire focus is on the non-present person who no one can
change.  In this situation the focus needs to be on the present client.  I
would have 5 questions of the client with respect to the boss:

How are you around the boss?
How do you want to be around the boss? 
Why would being that way around the boss be valuable to you?
When have you been that way in the past?
What do you need in order to be that way with the boss in the present
moment?

Rob

Robert J. Voyle, Psy.D.
Director, Clergy Leadership Institute
For Coaching and Training in Appreciative Inquiry
Author: Core Elements of the Appreciative Way 
http://www.clergyleadership.com/
503-647-2378 or 503-647-2382

On 3 Jul 2007 at 8:13, EwingChange at aol.com wrote:

> I am about to take on a coaching assignment where an  individual has
> quite low self-esteem as well as a poor relationship with his  boss. I
> have had some preliminary conversations with him and he gets quite 
> excited about the work (and is convinced it is important to do) and then
> he has  a conversation with his boss who is apparently hyper-critical
> and his esteem and  his energy gets dashed.
>  
> I would love it if he could learn to be more resilient and I  will
> be working 
> with him on this but does anyone have any suggestions about how  I
> might work 
> to influence the boss who, it seems, has some beliefs that are 
> counter to 
> how I would like to work. Specifically she seems to believe that 
> being 
> encouraging is "to ignore the facts" and does not believe that
> people need  time to 
> make behaviour change.
>  
> Any thoughts?
>  
> Esther Ewing
> The Change Alliance
> 330 East 38th St. Suite  53K
> New York, NY 10016, USA
> Telephone: 212-661-6024
> Building  Strength from Within
> 
> 
> 
>    
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Robert J. Voyle, Psy.D.
Director, Clergy Leadership Institute
For Coaching and Training in Appreciative Inquiry
http://www.clergyleadership.com/
503-647-2378 or 503-647-2382