[Ailist] AI and bullying in the workplace

Wed Aug 29 07:36:28 MDT 2007

Dear Bill:

I've had the good fortune of researching bulling, teaching it  at Kellogg and 
some other MBA programs, and working with bullies for  over a decade.  

In some states in the US, local governments are trying to pass  "Bullying 
Bills" to actually make it a crime to bully.  There are social  movements also 
outside of the US such as groups working around Humiliation  Studies - to create 
social consciousness and practices for regulating  bullying.

Sometimes AI approaches work, and sometimes they  don't

I have two stories to share... one of a successful  transformation and one of 
a failure to change. In both cases (success and  failure) the key was the 
ability for the leader to link intention and impact -  to feel empathy for the 
other - and to be willing to change.

Here is a very successful  story:

I was brought in as an EVP was to be fired, and was asked to  provide 
coaching on his way out...  He was arrogant, intimidating,  nasty to underlings; 
self-centric; and bullied most of his peers.

Upon meeting the EVP I assessed he might be someone coachable  and asked for 
3 months to try. During our first phone call, he talked at me for  19 minutes 
26 seconds, would not allow me to engage in the conversation, told me  how 
great he was over and over in subtle and not so subtle ways. At 19 minutes  26 
seconds I broke through his monologue - and gave him back a report of how he  
made me feel during the call. This was the first time anyone has broken through  
his wall.... Under this adult bully was a very shy and unconfident child who 
had  created this outward shell to protect himself.

Over the 3 months he opened up to the impact he was having on  others. At one 
time he shared that he was often now awkward and afraid to speak  up - 
because he might find the old "self" would come out and he now didn't want  to hurt 
others.... this awkwardness resolved into a new persona with great  integrity 
and caring for others.

Sometimes he finds he "backslides" - however he has mastered  the process of 
noticing his impact and he can interrupt this  pattern.

The hardest part was getting his peers to allow him to relearn  how to be 
nice. The first two weeks he was doing really well... then the peers  would say 
"This has to be temporary - you can't teach an old dog new tricks" -  and after 
the two weeks they started to look for any times he slipped  up.   So the key 
and the harder part of helping a bully transform is  working the audience 
around that person to be supporters.. to stay in an  appreciative mindset - to 
celebrate successes and to be kind and open to the  many steps it takes to 
release a very old, and powerful pattern.

Here is a very unsuccessful  story:

A bully charmer... someone who said nice things to someone's  face, and then 
demeaned and minimized and judged them behind their back. This  person 
intimated subtly - often throwing around some aspect of his positional  authority 
coupled with punishment for not doing what he wanted - causing people  to fear, 
fear, fear him.

This coaching failed because the one thing he lived for was to  win... we 
identified this early in our work together. He could not move out of  that 
posture ... this need... this drive... this result. At the end he was asked  to 
leave the firm... it took 2 years and lots of damage to other human beings. 

He created a political environment - people feared speaking up  and 
challenging his behavior - when they did he turned to retribution - and  because of his 
political power he got away with it. We did a "work around" and  educated 
people to "not let his bullying get to them... to not feel they need to  agree 
with his opinions or to play favorites as he did. 

During the process, I discovered some deeper issues (his  sister was the 
favorite child, and he was ignored, and demeaned by his parents)  - so he turned 
to this bully charming style as self defense in adult  life.

Bulling is exacerbated by the fact that bullies create  fear and when we fear 
someone we fear pushing back... we fear their alpha  dominance...

Please feel free to visit my site: _www.creatingwe.com_ 
(http://www.creatingwe.com) . Under the News and  Media you'll see another tab for TV Interviews.  
There are a few that focus  on bullying:  NBC Today Show, Fox, Business Week,  
Channel 12,  CN8 contain insights about Bullies... and both of my books were 
written with the  hope of giving people the early signs of bullyism and to use 
appreciative  practices to "down regulate" (or minimize) the egocentric 
tendencies and "up  regulate" or focus on the appreciative. (Creating WE & the DNA 
of  Leadership.

Hope this helps.... if you want more let me know.

Judith

Judith E. Glaser, CEO
Benchmark Communications,  Inc.
_www.creatingwe.com_ (http://www.creatingwe.com/) 
jeglaser at creatingwe.com

Author: Creating We & The DNA  of Leadership
Liminal Faculty & Board Member

116 Central Park South  9-D
New York, NY 10019
212 307 4386
212 307 0699 (fax)
917 864 8466  (cell)

5 Shorehaven Road
Norwalk, CT 06855
203 838 6982
203 838  7166 (fax)

"We must welcome the  future, remembering that soon it will be the past; and 
we must respect the past  remembering that once it was all that was humanly 
possible." 
- George  Santayana  

I am  currently researching a book on bullying in the workplace and am struck
by  the relational impact that bullying has both on the individual (target  of
the bully) and the wider group. I am interested in cases where an  AI
approach has been used to help the target of a bully. If anyone  has
experience of using AI in this area I would be very interested in  hearing
more in particular any approach that allows for a target of a bully  to
re-construct their careers and self. I would also like to hear of  Bullying
being addressed in its wider context, within the umbrella of  social
construction, where perhaps an AI approach has been used to focus on  this
aspect of organisational life through group/organisational OD  interventions.

Many thanks 

Bill  

Bill Hobbs

Clorane Brook

Ballyfair

The  Curragh

Co Kildare

Ireland.

Tele      +353  (0)45 442796

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E-Mail   bill at billhobbs.eu

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