[Ailist] A balance worth changing....

[Brian Guest]

Dear Terri,
 
Thanks for your thoughts. I read the New York Times article with interest. 
 
Your comments remind me of the following quote: "It is the weak who are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong." - Leo Rosten.
 
It is not easy to be both strong and gentle. Hopefully we get stronger with experience!  
 
What perhaps can add complexity is that some people see strength where others see weakness. Perhaps it can depend on our values, our decision preferences, our own experiences and fears or even the particular situation. 
  
Perhaps it is not too much to go from the word gentleness to the word compassion? What could be more gentle or caring than to be with someone in their pain and to help transform it? (Certainly Matthew Dowd was in pain and seemingly didn't get to discuss it with the President).
 
I learned from Rob Voyle that compassion can be applied through empathy, through fierceness (tough love might be another expression) and at other times through a mischievous approach (humor as a way to catalyze a change of mindset). The later two can come as a surprise, but Rob has good examples of their importance and how they can help in achieving compassionate results - its the positive outcome that counts. Very few individuals and leaders can apply all three approaches equally well or choose the best one in the right situation with the right person or group in trying to achieve the right compassionate outcome. Sometimes we don't know which will work best and just have to try. Rob wrote a terrific article on this subject. We all have preferences for using and living with these three approaches - most people can "do" two of the approaches better than the other one remaining. 
 
Regarding Matthew Dowd, he has certainly been through some so-called "crucible" experiences. One senses his best work may lie ahead and he is searching for a new balance towards strength though gentleness and empathy. We also sense a need for a correction of the balance in this direction in society. One also hopes that having been through those particular experiences he will be able to be compassionately fierce when he needs to be. He mentions South America - my own experience there tells me that, just as everywhere else, it is necessary to be "fierce" at times to achieve the most positive outcomes.
 
I find myself coming back to the concept of balance again. Too much empathy and gentleness is not always the answer. Nor is too much fierceness or mischief. "Too much" is not easy to call - I guess our intuition lets us know. My comments on disrespect and yours and others on civility have at their heart a concern, I think, for a healthy and effective balance, underpinned by similar values and consideration of the worth of ourselves and others, which leads towards compassionate and balanced outcomes for the wider good. 
 
Kind regards,
 
Brian Guest
www.brianguest.com

 ----- Original Message ----
From: Terri McNichol <tmcnichol at renassociates.com>
To: ailist at lists.business.utah.edu
Sent: Sunday, April 1, 2007 2:08:32 PM
Subject: Re: [Ailist] A balance worth changing....


Dear Brian,
Your observations are very keen and reflect what a lot of people see as a loss of civility here in the United States as well. Folks may find an article in today's New York Times, front page, about Matthew Dowd a former stauch supporter of GW Bush who has left the ranks to speak out against his former "hero." Dowd's insights result from what he terms as coming out of denial along with a string of many personal tragedies and pain. His own son is serving in Iraq. What is truly telling in the last sentence of the article he states that he wants to contribute to making this a more gentle world.
Great discussion. Thanks everyone.

Terri McNichol
Ren Associates
707 Alexander Rd., Bldg. 2 Ste. 208
Princeton, NJ 08540
Telephone +1.609.371.5354
Cell +1.609.638.5878
www.renassociates.com
t.mcnichol.1 at alumni.nyu.edu

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