[Ailist] AI, OST, and dealing with anger

[Mac Odell]

Friends,

Peggy does a service by sharing the message below on anger that she found
on the Open Space Technology (OST) listserve.  The need to deal with anger
comes up frequently in discussions about AI, and I'm not sure I have a good
answer, other than to say that using OST can help. 

Yesterday, for example, in a workshop we're running in Nepal on
sustainability for Habitat and Pact's programs, and where they are dealing
with a lot of rotten stuff out there and inside their organizations, too,
we tried an OST-based exercise to kick off an AI design session.  The group
had asked for guidance on how to deal with really negative situations,
which I know had generated a lot of anger all around.  So we had each
participant write the negative situation they'd like to deal with on a
'meta card' and share it as an advertisement to form a group to work on it.
Then we had them cluster the cards and self-select into several groups to
do that.  

First, we asked them to take their negative statements, discuss them, and
then turn them into positive opportuntity statements. That wasn't too hard.
Then we had them draw from each of these several positive 'discovery'
questions for a proposed workshop involving the target group from which the
negative originated.  This was much harder and, in the end, the process
took almost the whole day, going through successive iterations until we had
a really excellent set of discovery questions for each group.  

At dinner last night one participant said, "I was sceptical about this AI
thing because I thought it just buried the negative and tried to put a
sugar coating on things... but now I see how it transformed all that
negativity into positive action and I feel so much better now about
everything, and better equipped to deal with the negative stuff that was
bothering me." 

Now, I had to deal with real anger myself the other day, too. I was upset
with a colleague and could find no appreciative way of really communicating
what was bugging me... So as affectionately as I could, starting with good
stuff I appreciated about the person, I let it all come out... not
appreciative at all.. Then I pulled him into a meeting and we rolled up our
sleeves to take action around what would get things back on track and each
took a part to make it happen... Serendipitiously, or even miraculously,
when we both ended up in the above workshop later on, someone totally
unconnected and unaware of this situation, had put the following quote on
the board which made us both laugh... and made us realize how much we cared
about each other:
	"When someone criticizes you fairly 
	they show that they care.  
	Otherwise they'd say nothing 
	and watch you fail."

Marcia and I struggle with similar problems around anger from time to
time... and without complete success... but we are having a lot more
success than we used to have before we got into the AI groove.  It all
boils down to really understanding that quote... and we often say it to
each other in slightly different words:
	"I wouldn't be so angry if I didn't
	care so much about you!"

I don't think any of these examples gets to the real deep down anger that
the writer was talking about in Peg's citation, but it's a start.  I know
it's important to get the anger out and yet I also know that can be very
destructive, even if it feels good at the time.  I would love to hear from
others on how they deal with this important issue.

Mac
Kathmandu

At 11:39 AM 8/17/00 -0700, Peggy wrote:
>
>This message came off of the Open Space list.  Thought I'd see what
>perspectives my colleagues on the AI list have on it.
>
>Peggy Holman
>
>
>> My experience with Appreciative Inquiry is that it has its place, but that
>> it precludes grief cycle work from doing its work and those items that
>need
>> to be spoken that are rooted in being mad or sad or in denial don't get
>> their chance to lead to their healing work. At least in the early stages.
>>
>> In my personal experience, I have been in an OST meeting in which I was
>> angry. I needed to express what was so for me. Appreciative Inquiry caused
>> me to feel that it was wrong to offer my input from my passion. And I
>ended
>> up angrier. I was asked to think of highlights and positive stories, when
>> what I really wanted and needed to do was to share was was REAL for me.
>> Honoring me and my wisdom in the MOMENT. Experiences such as this one have
>> caused me to use caution with Appreciative Inquiry and to go back to the
>> root understandings of second order change work and to create contexts for
>> the space to be OPEN.